In this episode, we get into a pretty heavy subject… disciplining our children. What methods we use and how we approach disciplining younger children versus disciplining teens.
Mentioned in this Episode
01:06: Rob: current barbecue pit of choice: Oklahoma Joe’s Smokers
02:25 Brandon: Kona Brewing Wailua Wheat
03:12 Rob: Leinenkugel, Grapefruit Shandy, and BottleKeeper, bottle holder.
04:22 Rob: HEB family pack Texas sausage (jalapeno and beef)
12:35 Rob: Rain Bird LG3HE In-ground sprinkler with Click-n-Go Hose Connect
00:01 Brandon Billinger: Not a lot. I don’t feel like there’s a lot of this conversation going on between parents.
00:12 Announcer: The Dad Huddle podcast. One dad of two kids. The other, the dad of a teenager, talk about life, being a father and what it takes to live in this big world. And now your hosts, Brandon Billinger and Rob Ainbinder.
00:28 Brandon Billinger: Welcome to the Dad Huddle podcast. I am your co-host Brandon Billinger, the rookie dad and sitting in the other chair across the world somewhere, [chuckle] is my co-host, Rob Ainbinder, Digital Dad. How are you doing man?
00:41 Rob Ainbinder: Hey man. Doing well. Yeah, a few miles between us, but we got the innertubes to connect us.
00:47 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, that’s right. The joys of being able to record messages through Skype.
00:53 Rob Ainbinder: Right. [laughter]
00:56 Brandon Billinger: Yeah.
00:57 Rob Ainbinder: Cool.
00:58 Brandon Billinger: We’ve got… At the time that we’re recording this, it’s the week of the 4th of July. Rob, what do you got going on my man?
01:06 Rob Ainbinder: Well, besides working for my clients, I’m planning on July 4th, cooking up some ribs. These will be pork spare ribs, which is different. I usually cook loin back, baby back ribs, on my Oklahoma Joe’s smoker and I’ll be cooking with hickory wood chunks.
01:32 Brandon Billinger: Oh, nice. That sounds delicious.
01:35 Rob Ainbinder: It’s some flavor.
01:37 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, nice. We typically go to a friend’s house. Fireworks aren’t allowed in the county that we live in, so we jump the county lines, to go up and shoot off some fireworks and there’ll be… He’ll fire up his grill and we’ll eat and have a good time.
01:56 Rob Ainbinder: Nice, that sounds like a blast.
02:00 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, it always is. We always spend our kids’ college tuitions on it. [laughter] We probably shouldn’t but we do anyway.
02:10 Rob Ainbinder: One month college tuition.
02:12 Brandon Billinger: There you go.
02:12 Rob Ainbinder: In those future dollars.
02:15 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, yeah. [chuckle] Oh yeah, so what…
02:20 Rob Ainbinder: What are you drinking tonight, man?
02:21 Brandon Billinger: Actually, I’m drinking just a water.
02:24 Rob Ainbinder: Alright.
02:25 Brandon Billinger: But I’ve kind of taken a liking to this new Kona Brewing that we have had available here in Kansas and it’s out of Hawaii. I wanna call it the Wailua Wheat, I’m not sure exactly how to pronounce it, but it is absolutely delicious, perfect for the summer. It’s got a hint of citrus flavor in there. And it’s got passion fruit and all that. It’s really, really good for one of those hot summer days. I wish I knew how to pronounce it, and I’m sorry, Kona Brewing, if I am mis-pronouncing it. [laughter] What about you? What are you drinking?
03:12 Rob Ainbinder: Well. [chuckle] You talk about tough to pronounce and tough to spell. I’m drinking Leinenkugel, Grapefruit Shandy, and I’ve got it in this BottleKeeper, bottle holder.
03:27 Brandon Billinger: Nice.
03:29 Rob Ainbinder: It’s a sweet little thing that my wife got me for a gift a couple of years ago. And you slip the glass bottle in and twist on the bottom and it has a bottle cap opener on this cap that screws in to the top, and then as part of the cap, inside the cap, is a rubber washer that when you screwed it down, it would keep your bottle sealed. So, it’s pretty cool.
04:00 Brandon Billinger: Cool.
04:01 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah, and you can get one of those at bottlekeeper.com, apparently.
04:05 Brandon Billinger: Nice, will keep the old beer cool while you’re out at the grill, right?
04:09 Rob Ainbinder: Exactly, yeah, it does. And they’ll say, “Oh, you baby your beer.” No, I enjoy it. I savor it.
04:17 Brandon Billinger: There you go. There you go. So what have you been grilling lately?
04:22 Rob Ainbinder: Well, with everybody coming up and visiting us intermittently from Texas, the one thing we request is they bring some Texas-style smoked sausages and there’s a grocery store chain in Texas called H-E-B, and they have their own private label sausages and it comes in a family pack of like 18 and jalapeno for the wife and just the regular for me. And I’ll grill those up and then we serve it Texas-style, sliced up, on some white bread, with some barbecue sauce, pickles and onions.
05:02 Brandon Billinger: Oh, my mouth is watering over here. [laughter] Geez, that sounds delicious.
05:06 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah. Thanks we dig it. Yeah, and it’s a nice quick lunch usually.
05:13 Brandon Billinger: Sounds like it.
05:14 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah. I tried the jalapeno ones and just have too many… I have too many taste buds for that..[laughter] That’s just a fact.
05:27 Brandon Billinger: Well, speaking of spicy things, and jalapenos and Mexican food, we’ve been… We’ve got a nice tried and true recipe that we use here. We make fajitas on the grill.
05:39 Rob Ainbinder: Nice.
05:40 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, we get this seasoning, it’s… I wanna call it Mojito… It’s a Mojito lime seasoning that you mix in some apple cider vinegar, water and some other, a few other things, and you marinate the chicken… We use chicken so I marinate it in that Mojito lime mix for about overnight, and then put them on the grill and oh, it’s so good. I even put the green peppers, or the peppers and onions on the grill too. Oh, delicious, delicious.
06:11 Rob Ainbinder: Nice, that’s…
06:11 Brandon Billinger: It’s become a family favorite.
06:14 Rob Ainbinder: Cool, yeah I have a spice mix that I’ve kind of adapted for fajitas. And I do chicken like you do. And my family likes it when we do that, although oftentimes I’ll prepare it inside. This recipe you can prepare inside or outside. It didn’t matter. And just sometimes it’s just as easy to do it inside as it is outside. Results are approximately the same. And yeah, and then you get out the homemade guacamole, some salsa and tortillas and go to town.
07:00 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, you can also do this in your oven as well too. We do it… We’ll call it a sheet pan fajita mix where we’ll just throw everything onto a sheet pan, same recipe and everything. But we’ll just put it in the oven if it’s too cold outside, but I say there’s not… The weather is always grilling weather. [chuckle] So it doesn’t matter if it’s snowing outside or if it’s raining or whatever. It’s always grilling weather in my opinion.
07:28 Rob Ainbinder: You’re right. It’s always a good day to cook outdoors. Now in the dead of winter, you might need to throw on like a welder’s blanket on what you’re cooking to help maintain the temps. But other than that, I’d say it’s good. But you get down to like 30 below, 15 below. It’s pretty cold out.
07:53 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, yeah. I’d agree with you there. [laughter] Luckily I haven’t ran into temperatures that bad. But…
08:00 Rob Ainbinder: Right.
08:00 Brandon Billinger: But anyway, yeah, so what have you been struggling with as a parent, Rob?
08:09 Rob Ainbinder: How do you get across to your teenager, your standards for keeping the house clean? [laughter] And how do you effectively enforce it where it just becomes obvious… It’s obvious to me that her level of clean isn’t my level of clean, that we have different standards. And I think what I’m gonna have to do is devolve it to the days that I had a roommate that you can do whatever the hell you want in your bedroom, but the common areas have to be kept clean. And I think that’s my next step in the evolution of establishing firm boundaries around household cleanliness. [laughter]
08:51 Brandon Billinger: It’s funny you mention this because just yesterday I was asking my oldest, my eight year old to… He has to do a chore every time he comes… Or when we come home from… When I pick him up from school or his summer camp or whatever, before he could have any screen time. And so his chore yesterday was to clean the bathroom. Well, I’m downstairs making dinner, not supervising him like I probably should have been. And [chuckle] he comes down like maybe two or three minutes after going up there and says, “I’m done.” And I smell it and I can smell the chemicals on his hands. And I’m like, “Did you seriously just clean the bathroom in like two minutes?” He goes, “Yeah.” I said, “Alright, I’m gonna go up and take a look at this.” Well, I walk up there and there’s still [chuckle] stuff on the counter, there’s trash. And I’m like, “Okay dude, we gotta talk about this. [laughter] Go get the stuff. I will tell you how to do this. I’m not gonna show you, but I’m gonna tell you how to do this.
09:55 Rob Ainbinder: This episode brought to you by Lysol.
09:57 Brandon Billinger: There you go, yeah, yeah. [laughter] But yeah, that’s a…
10:04 Rob Ainbinder: Oh, you go… Total tangent, tangent alert. But I saw on social media we have more than four listeners.
10:13 Brandon Billinger: Oh, really?
10:14 Rob Ainbinder: We’re up to six. [chuckle]
10:17 Brandon Billinger: Nice. Nice. We’re up to six. I wonder, that’d be maybe my mom. [laughter] I know she’s my sole reader on my blog but… [laughter]
10:28 Rob Ainbinder: Right, I know. Yeah, dude I get an email every time my blog post goes out and it’s my mom. [laughter] Every single time. [laughter] “Rob, I love reading about your latest blog post. It’s so nice that you have those memories and those thoughts.” [laughter] “Thanks mom.”
10:57 Brandon Billinger: I don’t know how we come back from this. [laughter] Anyway…
11:07 Rob Ainbinder: Parenting accomplishments are next.
11:10 Brandon Billinger: There you go. Yeah, let’s talk about our accomplishments as parents.
11:11 Rob Ainbinder: What have we accomplished as parents?
11:14 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, well I know for me this has been an ongoing struggle for a while. It’s been keeping my… Staying healthy. And I’ve just recently made a… I’ve been on some medication that has caused me to gain, I’d say a couple of pounds. But then when I hit the scale one day and I’m like, “Oh, that’s the heaviest I’ve been in probably four or five years.” So I was like, “You know what? I need to work on this.” And so finally… My wife is a member too of a gym here and I went with her, used one of her guest passes and loved it. So I became a member myself and so I’ve made a commitment to being healthier, eating better lunches, working out a lot more. That’s a… It’s not necessarily an… I don’t want to say it’s a… In a way, this is a parenting accomplishment is that it’s going to keep me more energized to be able to keep up with my kids. That’s what it boils down to. Not being that dad who comes home and just wants to sit on the couch all night. That’s what this new commitment means for me.
12:35 Rob Ainbinder: Awesome man. Well, congratulations on renewing a commitment to yourself. As parents, we typically put self-care last on the list and so you should be commended for taking that step in recommitting yourself to yourself. I have to say in that department I’m really weak. I’m so busy with other things. My health isn’t high enough up, but I will say, a parenting accomplishment for me has been, been getting a little lawn care nuts. And so, I’ve finished putting in another two inground rain… These rain bird inground click and go sprinklers. And I could see the results just from the right amount of water, [chuckle] not going crazy or anything but…
13:36 Brandon Billinger: Nice.
13:38 Rob Ainbinder: And actually, I think this works for you too up in Kansas, cool season grass. Put down about an inch and a half of water a week when it doesn’t rain, and you’re good to go. And I have to say that’s pretty much true. I have… I now have one, two, three… Four sprinklers and they cover most of my yard around my house, and that’s 11,000 square feet of yard approximately, and I will say that where the water is, the grass is doing much better in the summer than it did last year in the summer, so.
14:17 Brandon Billinger: Nice.
14:17 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah. So… Ding! Parenting accomplishment. [chuckle]
14:20 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, there you go. I know our lawn is starting to look like… It’s not looking so good because we’re starting to hit that, the hot season where we’re not getting as much rain. We got rain every day, for like a month and now we’re not getting any and my lawn is starting to show from that.
14:38 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah. So the other thing to consider doing is, since we’re talking about lawn care, is mowing a little bit higher. Can make a big difference in your grass surviving well through the summer.
14:54 Brandon Billinger: I’ll have to remember that.
14:57 Rob Ainbinder: Well, a lot of people in the cool season grass part of the country think they need to mow it like a golf course [chuckle] and their grass isn’t built for that.
15:15 Brandon Billinger: Right.
15:16 Rob Ainbinder: Another one of our recurring themes is relationships. My marriage is as strong as it ever was and we’ve gone to places I never thought we’d be and it’s really great to see her spirit is still present and even though she’s struggling, we talked this past week, pretty in-depth, heart-to-heart and squared some things up and just acknowledged each other. I think that was… That’s important to be present and to acknowledge each other. It transcends everything else. And I think it… Wrapped up in that is saying “I love you” on a regular basis, because you feel it, not because you’re compelled to, but because you feel it. I think it adds a dimension to the relationship when it’s from the heart and that’s what I love about my wife. Talking about teenagers, her relationship with her boyfriend seems to be evolving a little bit. I noticed that physically at times, they’re displaying being closer to one another than they have in the past while they’re here. I don’t know what this means or where this goes next but as long as she’s under my roof and he treats her with respect, we’ll be cool.
17:09 Brandon Billinger: Cool.
17:12 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah. It’s not like she’s a toddler and she’s misbehaving and I’ve gotta do something about it. That’s not this episode. [chuckle] But it’s on a… It’s just a different phase and it’s a different set of tactics and skills and things that happen that you have to learn to grapple with and try to give space but appreciate but not… But give the appropriate amount of distance and space. Not out late at this point, not home at a reasonable hour now. And those things have maintained and there hasn’t been push back or requests later except for there’ve been… I can count the exceptions she’s asked for to be out later, and the reasons for them, on one hand, actually on just a few fingers of that one hand. And so that tells me she takes this very seriously, and respects it as well and that’s encouraging to me.
18:40 Brandon Billinger: Cool.
18:40 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah.
18:41 Brandon Billinger: Cool. Well, in this episode, we wanted to talk a little bit about probably one of the hardest aspects of parenting, discipline and disciplining our kids. And I know, Rob, you and I were probably disciplined quite differently when we were kids than as we discipline our kids. So let’s talk a little bit about how we were disciplined as kids. [chuckle]
19:12 Rob Ainbinder: Well, I think we were… I think I was disciplined similarly to how I discipline, and that came from establishing it with my wife, but…
19:27 Brandon Billinger: Well, my parents would… The hardest thing, I think, for them with me, and I think this is true for all parents of kids… Or who had kids growing up in the early ’90s, 2000s, when the Internet was becoming such a big thing, was… The computer was… When I was growing up, the computer was… We lived in a three bedroom house with me, my sister, and my parents, and so we only had one room to put the computer in, and it was in my room. Well, I was smart enough to figure out how to turn the computer on as an early, as a young teenager, turn the computer on and get online and get into chat rooms, and that. And my parents, they hated it, because they would… I would be… They could hear from across… ‘Cause our house was so small, they could hear in the background this… I’ll see if I can get it across… Like, just this. [chuckle] And so they knew exactly what I was doing. Well, they figured out all they had to do was take the ethernet cord from the modem, and that’s all they had to do when they weren’t around to be able to keep me from going online. Well, they forgot that I was taking a networking class in school and knew how to make ethernet cords, so I figured that out. [laughter]
21:05 Brandon Billinger: And then it came to the point where they actually had to block the computer or lock the computer from being able to boot up without a password.
21:15 Rob Ainbinder: Oh, man.
21:16 Brandon Billinger: So, all through high school, that’s what I… I had to deal with that. So, yeah, it was one of those where… That’s how they disciplined me a little bit.
21:25 Rob Ainbinder: I got you. Yeah, I mean…
21:27 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, I also dealt with the typical spankings and getting on two’s and go to your rooms, and stuff like that, but that was… So that was the kind of discipline that I remember the most. [chuckle] Looking back at it, and I laugh at it now.
21:39 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah, my disciplines were no computer, and it was a modem-connected computer. They were, no telephone, and it was a wired telephone, not a cordless phone.
21:53 Brandon Billinger: Oh, yeah, I remember that. I remember stretching it across our house.
21:57 Rob Ainbinder: And no TV, it was no TV and it was a rabbit ears TV. [chuckle]
22:04 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, wow.
22:07 Rob Ainbinder: ‘Cause my mom didn’t pay for cable. [laughter] So that’s… So your punishments and my punishments, yeah, similar but different.
22:22 Brandon Billinger: Yeah. And I think, going through what I went through, it’s kind of at least helped me realize what my kid is going through. ‘Cause tablets are an all new thing for the kids growing up these days, and it’s something new that we… That as parents, we have to learn to try and… I don’t wanna say… Or have some sort of control over, because those are internet-connected devices and they can do whatever they want to on there. It’s funny, my kid now, he walks up and says, “Dad, can you type in the code to the tablet? I wanna play a game on it.” And I’m like, “This is so me, whenever I was your age.” [laughter]
23:12 Rob Ainbinder: Same, but a little different.
23:14 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, exactly. So what is the hardest part about disciplining your teenager?
23:19 Rob Ainbinder: What to discipline her f… Let me just preface this. My kid is a genuinely good kid. We are… And I know we are lucky. She gets good grades. She’s a very good citizen in school. She has positive friends. You couldn’t really ask for a better kid than my teenage daughter, really. And so, what do you discipline her for? Well, and how… What, not what do you discipline her for, but how do you discipline her? Well, I would discipline her for, no phone for a week, no socializing with her boyfriend for a week. These are the things that I would dispense if something required me to discipline her, and those would probably be enough in her case. I know there’s all kinds of parents with teenagers out there that go through absolute hell, but so far, cross my fingers and toes, we’ve been lucky. So what is… What’s the hardest part of disciplining your child?
24:54 Brandon Billinger: Well, with my youngest. He’s three, so we just went through the terrible twos, and now we’re into the tyrannical… I don’t even know what… I wanna call it the “tyrannical threes.” Is that even a term “tyrannical”? I don’t know. [chuckle] But it’s, he… Everytime he gets into trouble, you tell him not to do something, I usually give him about three or four times before I have to get up and physically pick him up and stop him from doing [chuckle] whatever he’s doing.
25:26 Rob Ainbinder: Oh, gosh.
25:27 Brandon Billinger: And he’s to the point where you can put him into time out and he thinks it’s funny. He thinks everything is funny. So that’s the hardest part right now. And the hardest part with my eight-year-old is we can take away his screen time but that means we can’t watch TV or be on our phones ourselves because he’s gonna… He ultimately will gravitate towards, if the TV’s on or if I’m playing a game on my phone or whatever, he’ll gravitate towards whatever screen is on at that point. I don’t know how he has his screen radar on, but he can always tell whenever one is on and he’ll just gravitate towards it, so it feels like every time we take away his screen time, we’re also disciplining ourselves as well. [chuckle]
26:29 Rob Ainbinder: Okay.
26:33 Brandon Billinger: Yeah.
26:33 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah, and I will say that what I remember from disciplining our three-year-old. How you discipline your three-year-old is different from how you discipline your six-year-old. Like, you have to evolve it. Just some friendly free advice. Consider it for the price it’s offered. [chuckle] We tried the tactics that worked on the three-year-old, and when they didn’t work, we had to come up with some new alternatives when she was four, five and six. Different things are important to them at different ages. As long as you’re imparting that there’s consequences, I think that’s the essential issue. That there’s consequences for your actions. That there’s… When you act in disagreement with house rules, there is… And they are aware of house rules, however small they might be, that if they supersede them, or usurp them, or otherwise ignore them, that there’ll be a price to pay then, I think you’re working with something good.
27:56 Brandon Billinger: Right, right. So then the question is… Okay, so you were spanked as a kid, I was spanked as a kid. Do you spank… Did you spank you’re now teenager when they were growing up?
28:15 Rob Ainbinder: Yes.
28:17 Brandon Billinger: I know… Yeah, and I know there’s times I’ve spanked both my kids and I know that there’s… I mean, I could catch a lot of flak for saying that, but I think there’s a time and place for that.
28:29 Rob Ainbinder: There is. And I think when all other avenues have been exhausted and they are aware of the final consequence, then physical, appropriate physical punishment, corporal punishment, I think, is appropriate and is warranted. I believe you should physically discipline your child.
28:58 Brandon Billinger: Yeah. And I mean, I think there’s a… Like I said, I think there’s a time and place for it and I think you’re right when you say that when all avenues have been exhausted. I mean, for me, you know, when time out doesn’t work, when time out isn’t even an option, say, like when we’re trying to put our 3-year-old to bed and his latest and greatest thing is getting up out of bed and running around the house. And we’ve tried seven, eight, nine, ten, however many times, sometimes spanking him, letting him know, “Hey look, this is what you have to do.” And then putting him into bed. Yes, he’ll cry and you’ll feel bad as a parent. But sometimes that’s just what you… Sometimes you gotta do what you have to do in order to get across the message that you’re trying to send to them.
29:51 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah, I think that’s very important and I understand that there have been studies done and I understand there is a cadre of parents that believe you should not physically punish your child. And I am telling you right now, I disagree with you.
30:13 Brandon Billinger: Right. And it’s n… For me, it’s not my first form of discipline.
30:20 Rob Ainbinder: Right. Exactly. It was never our first form of discipline either. And that is not… Was not our modus and it never intended… It was never intended to be, and it never became that.
30:39 Brandon Billinger: And I know growing up, in an era where spanking was a more acceptable form of punishment that that wasn’t my parents first form of discip… Try at disciplining myself either.
30:58 Rob Ainbinder: Right, yeah, we’ve come to a… My sense is we’re in an era now where spanking is frowned upon and…
31:09 Brandon Billinger: Yeah…
31:11 Rob Ainbinder: Go ahead.
31:13 Brandon Billinger: And I think you have to… Parents also have to understand the intent behind it. I think people… You know, some parents can get caught up and overuse it, and as for me, it’s not so much a hard slap on the butt, it’s just a “Hey, look.” It’s a, “Catch your attention, now that I have it, you know what the deal is, stop doing what you’re doing right now.”
31:47 Rob Ainbinder: “You’re getting this pop because you’re not listening to me, because we’ve already tried the other things.”
31:54 Brandon Billinger: Exactly, exactly.
31:55 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah. This isn’t… And to be clear, you can do whatever the heck you want in your house. I have some opinions around this and they’re not particularly popular but I believe that if you take spanking completely off the table, the child never learned boundaries, or it’s harder for the child to understand boundaries because you’ve been so permissive. And if you wanna do that go on and do it but I’m telling you, if there isn’t a hard line drawn in the sand where the child does not… Doesn’t understand that they cannot cross, then what’s to stop them from acting up at birthday parties, in the grocery store, in church or temple, synagogue, at family gatherings? What’s to stop them from behaving according to social norms? [chuckle] And I guess, one more thing while I’m at it, [chuckle] if you’re at a social function with your child and your child is acting up, it’s your personal responsibility as a parent to bring your child back into control. It is not up to the tribe of us to ensure that your child is adhering to social norms. And if you can’t pay attention to your child at a gathering, then you should reconsider accepting the invitation to attend the gathering.
33:40 Brandon Billinger: Right. So then what would the alternative, say we’re in a… Say you’re at a social function where spanking would not be an acceptable form of punishment. What would the alternatives be? I know for me, we’ve gotten to the point with, at least with my oldest, all I have to do is, I have to give him a certain look and he knows that he should either stop what he’s doing or he’s in trouble and he knows something is going to happen after the fact.
34:13 Rob Ainbinder: And I believe that that is a very common look across all parents, because I’ll tell you…
34:20 Brandon Billinger: They all have that look. They have it down, too.
34:24 Rob Ainbinder: We all have that look. And I can confirm this for you because we were in a CVS two years ago and we were going up to the counter, and there was a family behind us. The mom wasn’t around. It was a slightly younger daughter with a younger toddler in the cart, and the toddler in the cart was acting up. My wife shot a glance over to the child, immediately the child went quiet. [chuckle]
34:57 Rob Ainbinder: So I think there’s a universality to that, to those that use it. And I think if that works for your child, that’s great. I think the next step I would take is to remove the child from the situation. That means, we’re going out to the car. And if we go out to the car, that means we might not be going back. And to be willing to stick to that. There was one time that we were shopping, and our child was a toddler and she was acting up. And we told her, we said, “You either stop or we’re taking you to the car.” And they will test you and she did. And no sooner than she continued the behavior we didn’t want her to have in the store in public, I picked her up and took her out to the car. Never had that problem again.
35:58 Brandon Billinger: Right. Which also feels like you’re disciplining yourself, too, because it’s like you wanted to go out and be able to have a nice time shopping as a family, but then you’ve got this kid who’s acting up.
36:09 Rob Ainbinder: Right. And that gives me time to take them out of the situation. I can cool off a touch. And when they’re out of the situation in the car, we can talk about it. Again, because you and your wife have to have a very strong united front in this game of raising a productive person into this world. So, as long as you guys are in sync, the parents, it doesn’t matter your family situation. As long as the parents are in sync, I think you’re golden. I think that’s the goal, is that you parents are in sync, and that neither one undermines the other. That you’ve clearly decided what the level of discipline is, what the actions, what the consequences are.
37:01 Brandon Billinger: Yeah. So, what’s worked with your teenager lately to discipline them? You said that you don’t necessarily have to discipline her all… I don’t wanna say all the time, but she’s a fairly good kid.
37:17 Rob Ainbinder: She is.
37:17 Brandon Billinger: What’s worked for you then?
37:19 Rob Ainbinder: I think lately, telling her that if she didn’t comply with whatever it was, she’d lose her phone for a week. And that had a good effect for about five days. So, is there an opportunity for me? Yeah, I admit there is. We’re kind of, I’d say to an extent, we’re in a bit of a special situation though, too. So, it’s hard, I don’t know. There’s no way she’s getting out of line, don’t get me wrong, there is no way she’s getting out of line. But I get tired of reminding her to take her finished laundry upstairs, [chuckle] or to put whatever dishes from whatever she used into the dishwasher. It’s tiring, I get tired of that. I’ve got enough other stuff going on. So, it’s a consequence, it’s lose your phone for a week. Of course, that’s a punishment for me, too. It’s no time with… I haven’t enacted this one, but no time with your boyfriend this week. That would be another one.
38:41 Brandon Billinger: Right. Yeah. I know, at least for me it’s… I mentioned that just that look to my kid. He knows any time that I squint my eyes and look at him a little bit when he’s doing something, he knows that he shouldn’t be, he’s in for it. [chuckle] My three-year-old is, that’s a completely different ball game, and I still have to…
39:04 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah, what works for him? [chuckle]
39:08 Brandon Billinger: That’s a good question. I’m still trying to figure that out. [chuckle] And I think that’s one of the joys of the parenting of… This ride of parenting that we have, or that we’re on because you learn about the different things that work for your kid. I mean, each kid is different and will react to certain situations differently than the other and…
39:29 Rob Ainbinder: Absolutely.
39:30 Brandon Billinger: And so he… Yeah, so he’s a completely different ball game that we’re still trying to figure out, and he’s just reached that phase where he thinks everything is funny. So it’s kinda… We’re rather… We’re kinda stuck in a hard place right now, trying to figure that out. Trying to figure out how to make discipline a… Stick in his mind, when he’s in trouble.
40:00 Rob Ainbinder: And three is a hard age. Their ability to comprehend, just to comprehend is different than at five or six. So you strive to find… Yeah.
40:19 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, and it won’t be long before he… He’ll be… It could be tomorrow, when he finally… When he’ll wake up and is a completely different kid and all of a sudden, things will start hitting in his head, when he… Knowing that he’s in trouble and whatnot. But I know we kinda got into some deep discussion there [chuckle] about this, but that’s really why we started the podcast.
40:49 Rob Ainbinder: Yeah, it is. That’s right.
40:50 Brandon Billinger: That’s kinda… We wanted to be able to have these conversations that not a lot… I don’t feel like there’s a lot of this conversation going on between parents.
41:02 Rob Ainbinder: No, I don’t think there is. I don’t think… In what we surveyed out there, we saw a gap and we wanna tackle the hard stuff head-on but we wanna mix it in with some lighter stuff too. But it’s important that we get out in front of these as dads. Because that’s even more absent from the conversation is dads talking about discipline.
41:39 Brandon Billinger: I do have a bit of news that I need to share. And Rob, you’ve been… You were a part of this several weeks ago, when we were going through all of this. But we have finally ended our spat with Apple and…
41:51 Rob Ainbinder: Yaaaay!
41:52 Brandon Billinger: And we are on iTunes, finally. So search “Dad Huddle” on there and…
42:00 Rob Ainbinder: The masses on iTunes. Yes.
42:00 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, and I think you’re supposed to say, give you a five… Is it five star? Do they do stars on iTunes? I don’t listen on iTunes, so I apologize, but give us a positive review or a negative review.
42:15 Rob Ainbinder: Give us a positive review everywhere, Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, wherever you listen.
42:22 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, [chuckle] yeah, yeah, not just on iTunes. I know that’s where most people listen but there’s also others that you can give us a positive review on. And let us know what you… Some of the topics that you want us to talk about here on Dad Huddle. You can go to our website Dad Huddle, D-A-D-H-U-D-D-L-E.com or reach out to us all on our social channels. Just search “Dad Huddle” on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. I don’t think that we’re on Snapchat. [chuckle]
42:53 Rob Ainbinder: No, we’re not.
42:55 Brandon Billinger: But those are the big three or you could send us an email the old-fashioned way, dadhuddle[at] gmail.com. Rob, it’s been a good one. I’m looking forward to the next one.
43:07 Rob Ainbinder: My pleasure Brandon, great chatting with you.
43:09 Brandon Billinger: Yeah, exactly, alright, so this is the Dad Huddle and thank you for listening.
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